It's about time I blog since I've entered university. Just reached the ends of two months, moving into my third. Things are going moderately well I suppose. Or for the most part anyway.
Conflicts.
A warning I had been given prior to moving in. Be aware of them. And so I am. But how does one actually deal with them when they come?
It's hard, but I think the answer all goes back to finding God and staying rooted in Him. You can talk to as many people as you want and hear as many different advice as you have the time for, but at the end of the day, nobody can tell you what to do. Yes people can pray for you and you can pray too, but God is the only one who can change things for the better.
On the other hand, I'm so so blessed to have such a strong Christian community here at Queen's. A good 75-80% of my floor in residence is Christian or Catholic, so there's so many girls I could go to if I ever needed to talk. And many have proved to me that there are indeed there for me in times of trouble. It's such a loving environment. And of course outside of residence, there's also my friends from other faculties, as well the numerous brothers and sisters I've met through church and fellowship. Although there are times where they are judgmental or hypocritical, I'm sure I've been the same at one point or another, so it's only fair. The good thing is that we're always there for each other at the end of the day.
It's been a really tough week. Carrying my own load of stress and homework and commitments in addition to the problems and burdens of a few other friends really does take its toll on me after a while. I just feel like I always have to be the one being strong and standing up for others, when really, I'm also breaking down on the inside as well. I guess it's just a matter of importance and how to "profile" yourself out there so that people will feel sympathetic towards you and want to care for you because they feel bad for you. But I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be the whiner who's always in need of care, the one who's always weak, the one who's the problem-child. Torn between wanting attention but wanting to stay strong, I'm stuck with the difficult task of supporting others, even when they don't want the support. It's really tough seeing those around me break down but refusing help. Like what even. How selfish can you get. Meanwhile the person trying to help you is drowning in tears on the inside too but instead chooses to help you because they care so much for you and don't want to burden you even further. I will never understand some people's selfish and inconsiderate logic. Ever.
Anyhow, that's enough ranting for tonight. Goodnight world.
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