11.05.13.

I decided to include a song (and dance) in my post today. That doesn't happen very often, if at all. But today's post will be a bit of a more encouraging post, in light of all the things that have been going on lately.

The song/dance is called "Reach for the Stars", and it got featured on dance moms by one of the girls doing her acro solo. The dance part isn't important here though. I chose this song because it reflects the purpose of my blog, which is to actually reach for the stars and strive to be the best person you can be. It's a really great song. You should click the video and watch it if you haven't already clicked it by now.

It's sad to see that the stresses and pressures of university are really starting to take its toll on everyone. Most of my friends, myself included, have struggled the past week in some way or another. Some have gotten over their emotions, others have not. Everyone is just in a really tough place because there's so much work piling up. Just because midterms are over now doesn't mean people get a break. Quite the contrary actually. With papers, assignments, essays, reports, and whatever else due at the end of the month in addition to the ever-nearing final exams, time is of the essence, and without good organizational skills, it'll be near impossible to accomplish everything. Take into account extracirriculars, clubs, night classes, church, fellowship, DG, and other commitments, and there's really no time for anything.

It's really a shame because school isn't all about work. Clubs and groups exist for a reason, and so do the gym and the mental health centre. They're all supports there to help you, but an even greater challenge is to find time to get the help you need in the first place.

Anyhow, I'll end with the verse.
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

It's such an overused verse but it's one of my favourite ones and it's one of the verses I live by on a day-to-day basis. It just really helps encourage me and get me through the day, and I'm hoping it'll do the same for you too. <3

11.04.13.

It's about time I blog since I've entered university. Just reached the ends of two months, moving into my third. Things are going moderately well I suppose. Or for the most part anyway.

Conflicts.

A warning I had been given prior to moving in. Be aware of them. And so I am. But how does one actually deal with them when they come?
It's hard, but I think the answer all goes back to finding God and staying rooted in Him. You can talk to as many people as you want and hear as many different advice as you have the time for, but at the end of the day, nobody can tell you what to do. Yes people can pray for you and you can pray too, but God is the only one who can change things for the better.

On the other hand, I'm so so blessed to have such a strong Christian community here at Queen's. A good 75-80% of my floor in residence is Christian or Catholic, so there's so many girls I could go to if I ever needed to talk. And many have proved to me that there are indeed there for me in times of trouble. It's such a loving environment. And of course outside of residence, there's also my friends from other faculties, as well the numerous brothers and sisters I've met through church and fellowship. Although there are times where they are judgmental or hypocritical, I'm sure I've been the same at one point or another, so it's only fair. The good thing is that we're always there for each other at the end of the day.

It's been a really tough week. Carrying my own load of stress and homework and commitments in addition to the problems and burdens of a few other friends really does take its toll on me after a while. I just feel like I always have to be the one being strong and standing up for others, when really, I'm also breaking down on the inside as well. I guess it's just a matter of importance and how to "profile" yourself out there so that people will feel sympathetic towards you and want to care for you because they feel bad for you. But I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be the whiner who's always in need of care, the one who's always weak, the one who's the problem-child. Torn between wanting attention but wanting to stay strong, I'm stuck with the difficult task of supporting others, even when they don't want the support. It's really tough seeing those around me break down but refusing help. Like what even. How selfish can you get. Meanwhile the person trying to help you is drowning in tears on the inside too but instead chooses to help you because they care so much for you and don't want to burden you even further. I will never understand some people's selfish and inconsiderate logic. Ever.

Anyhow, that's enough ranting for tonight. Goodnight world.

08.24.13.

So VBC's officially over. I don't know whether to feel happy or sad. I guess I'm currently a mixture of both.

Happy because I finally get to rest, something which I need a lot of because I got sick from people at VBC. Sad because it's over and I won't get to see most of my kids any time soon because I'll be heading off to university in like a week. Believe it or not though, kids have amazing memory. A lot of the kids I crew led for when they were in like grade 1/2 still remember me, and now they're in grade 6! And of course the JKs that I had last year who are now SKs remember me well too. There's so much joy in going back to camp each year and having tons of kids remember you and say hi to you.

Oh, and VBC was full of "drama" this year. I'll leave it at that, and you can choose to interpret it however you wish.

I spent all of today going out and buying stuff for residence this coming September. Spent so much money, but there's actually so many things that are needed, it's crazy! It was cool to be able to look at all the different bedding designs, but to settle on one was really hard. In the end I did do it though! It was a really tiring yet accomplishment-filled day, that's for sure. I can't believe move-in day is in a week, I don't think I'm entirely ready for it yet!

Still sick, so I think I'm gonna stop writing now and take a rest. It's almost bedtime anyway. Goodnight!

08.20.13.

Post cruise reflection.

I went on a cruise to the Western Caribbean last week, and it was quite the adventure of a lifetime. Though there were some downers here and there, overall it was a good trip and an amazing experience to be able to journey to different countries and meet people from different cultures. Haiti, Jamaica, and Mexico all had their own individual charms, and each place made my vacation that much more memorable. Highlights include climbing the Dunns River Falls (a giant stone waterfall) in Jamaica which took over an hour wading in somewhat cold water, and the Dolphin Encounter in Mexico, which involved hugging, petting, kissing, and dancing with dolphins. Definitely not something you'd be able to experience in Canada, or even most oceanariums in Asia.

This week has just been non-stop action so far...my flight got back at 2am on Monday, and I'm expected to be at church for 8am on the same Monday morning to lead VBC. Quite a mission if you ask me. But God provides, and it went well and I didn't crash or feel super drained/tired or anything, so yay :D

Tomorrow is our Science Centre trip. I'm really excited to get to go again, but going with a bunch of JK/SKs will definitely be different than the people I usually go with. Nonetheless, everyday is a new experience and something is always learnt, so I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring!

That's all for now, goodnight!

07.28.13.

Technically it's the 29th because it's past midnight, but oh well.

Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment to check out my spine. I'm a little scared and nervous, because I don't know what to expect, but at the same time, I really want to go and get it checked out because the pain has been bugging me for a while now. I'm pretty sure I have kyphosis or lordosis. Kyphosis is this condition where the top of your spine is curved forward (so like hunchback shoulders), and then your lower back has an extremely arched curvy S shape, causing a lot of lower back pain. The pain's been driving me crazy lately, despite me dancing less this summer, so that's a bit of a problem. I'm just hoping the doctor will take it as seriously as I am. I'm hoping she'll order x-rays for me too...because those will be crucial in determining the angle degree of my curvature and what to do next. Also hoping for a back brace and not a surgery, because hospitals are really scary. I don't know...I guess just that everything will work out fine, and then we'll get this all sorted out before university?

That's my post for tonight, thank you for reading!

07.18.13

LALALALA. hi guys.
so bored that i decided to blog again :D

my summer's been really loaft, just staying at home mostly, with the occasional evening dance classes a few times a week. summer mode is really making my writing style turn into casual fb talk as opposed to proper grammar and capitals and whatnot. but i suppose that's okay for now.

i  embarked on a letter-writing project a few weeks ago, in light of my bestie going to taiwan for the summer. basically the deal between a friend and i was to write a letter to her once a week (so she gets 2 in total per week), and mail them every week so that by the time she gets back mid-august, she'll have a mailbox flooding with mail :D only fair since she's told me she loves receiving snail mail.

enrollment for classes at university is just two days away...i'm getting antsy because i'm really scared the classes i want will be filled up before i get a chance to enroll. watching fewer and fewer spaces become available each day makes me worry, because at the moment, i can't do anything about it besides sitting here and watching the spaces disappear. hopefully my patience will pay off though. it sucks to have such a late registration slot, where as some of my friends got their scheduling all done on monday or tuesday. argh.

alright, getting a little bored of blogging...i guess that means i'll have to go find other means of entertaining myself now before it's time for bed.

toodles!~

03.16.13.

End of March Break reflection.

I just realized this is the last March Break i'll have as a student in my life. Wow. Revelation.

Spent the latter half of the past week in Niagara with my bro, dad, and two of my cousins, one of whom was visiting from the States. A really great vacation, with the exception of a few mishaps:

- our toilet overflowed on the first night

- there were no showers at the pool o.o

- it was too windy to walk to Clifton Hill so we had to turn back and attempt again later

- I nearly lost my camera twice...cuz the clip wouldn't stay on tight enough

Cool things that did happen though include:

- walking home from Dave and Busters at 12am cuz we played for so long

- Lazer Tag, Lazer Maze, Minigolf, Timefreak, Cannon Blaster [you can google them!]

- spending $100 at Boston Pizza for one meal

- spending another $40ish for Wendys fast food

- getting an engraved leather bracelet and some sparkly postcards

- getting soaked by all the mist at the Falls

All in all though, Niagara was a lot of fun, and the trip was super awesome! A good break from school, and a week well spent with family and relatives. It'll be tough to get myself back into school mode though.

And oh, a super bonus...another two acceptances came during the week of March Break; one from McGill con-ed, and another from Western music ed. I'm kinda sorta all set, besides waiting to hear back from Queens! Hopefully it won't be too long of a wait!

Alright, time to stop writing now, nights!

03.11.13.

First official day of March Break? Not bad!
Woke up at 11:45am to celebrate? Super amazing.

Now on to the more serious stuff.

It saddens me how some types of relationships never work out. Not that I'm in one right now, but like if you genuinely love the person, you'd do anything for them right? Or almost anything at least? I have a few friends who are in long distance relationships right now. I was never a believer of them, but hey, love shouldn't separate people no matter how far they are right? Whether it'd be a few hours away, or a few oceans away, if you're committed to staying faithful to that person, everything should work out right? Wrong. That's what we want it to be, but in reality, it doesn't usually work out that way. Not to burst anyone's bubble, especially yours if you happen to be reading this and be in a long distance relationship, but just a bit of statistics and truth I suppose.

It hits me hard when people get rejected or break up with each other, even when it's not myself. Why am I such an emotional person? Why do I care so much? I thought caring was always a good thing, but does it become bad when you care too much? I thought true friends were supposed to share struggles with another. But, when you care you much, do you end up becoming clingy and a nuisance? I don't know. I'm so sensitive on the inside, even though I won't say anything to show it on the outside. I'm good at hiding things. But when you have too many things hidden inside of you, it's hard not to want to explode sometimes. Thank goodness there's God to share all these problems with, but honestly, can a person ever be sharing too many burdens with others? Food for thought.

I'm hoping today's going to be a productive day. I have a few university forms and bursaries and whatnot to fill out, and a French listening activity for homework. Should be a pretty chillz day provided I finish everything. Let's hope I do so. Still have to practice a bit of piano too. Ugh. Might as well call it paino for the time being.

Time to stop writing for today. Toodles!

02.15.13.

Just got back home from a movie night at church. We watched a movie called "Courageous". I don't even know how to begin describing it. But basically long things short, it was super duper emotional, and touched me in more ways than one. The plot and storyline isn't the reason for my post tonight though. Instead, I want to share with you a recommitment I want to make with God.

The movie talked a lot about relationships, and especially the ones between guys and girls, and the ones between fathers and their children. Without going into much detail, the recommitment I want to make to God is to put him first above my relationships, particularly in regards to my romantic life. Lately, my mind has been shifting between the interests of a few guys, and it's just been a whirlwind of hormones and emotions. I want that desire to be loved by someone, but I know that deep down, true love can only come from God alone. And I also know that me trying to go after non-Christian guys doesn't work out. I've seen it time and time again in my own life, so I know that it's truth. As much as I'm willing to twist my mind into thinking that it will work out, it just simply won't. I know putting God first is a lot easier said than done, but I really want it, and I want Him to be my number one. Not second or third, or even #1.5. Just number one. And if that means no relationships until after high school, I am willing to do that, for God, and God alone. I just really need to set my focus straight on Him, or else I know I will stray away once I enter university. I know I don't want that, and I know that many church leaders are afraid of that happening to their grade 12s too. I don't want to let them down, but most importantly, I don't want to let myself and God down. So this recommitment is truth in its entirely, and I want to devote my grade 12 year to following it. Amen.

01.27.13

Haven't posted since November...well then.

There's been a few times over the past few weeks where the thought of logging onto my blog hit me, but for some reason, I always dismissed it, as I was either too distracted by my thoughts, or too busy doing other things.

As of yesterday, I've been thinking about something that's sort of troubling me. If you know of the relationship between my best friend and I, you'll know that we're really close, and that although we're not always around each other, we talk, dress, and pretty much act alike. I can truthfully say that despite having other "best friends" in elementary school, the friendship I have with my current best friend is definitely one that is very different from the rest. It's unique, special, and irreplaceable. And that's the part that scares me. I've been thinking about what life would be like if we went to different universities next year. For sure, we'll still keep in touch through social media and whatever, but as school gets busier, communication will be less, and things will just be so different. I mean, I totally get that academics and a successful future is more important and that we should choose whatever school we feel is the best for our own individual futures, but, I don't want to let go and move on. There's the chance of us still being at the same institution together next year, but that's only if both of us don't make it into our top schools. I guess long things short, I'm afraid of losing her.

I would also like to invite you to take a moment right now to pray for two friends of mine, both who are currently struggling with eating disorders. I won't elaborate beyond that, but just pray that God will watch over them, as that would be much appreciated by everyone. Thanks so much.

Last week and this week are exams, and I actually only have one more exam left. I should be studying a bit harder for this exam even though it's math and it's supposed to be my easiest exam this semester, so just pray for motivation please. I am super excited however for the retreat that my youth group and I are going on this upcoming weekend! We're going up north to a ranch, where there will be ice skating, horseback riding, and tubing! I'm just really looking forward to being able to let loose and enjoy myself for once without the business of everyday life and a hectic weekend.

This post is starting to get long, so I guess I'd better stop and get back to studying. Laters!